The anti-telemarketer

Does any of you still bothered by telemarketers? Then try one of the following; taken from zefrank.com

1. Use a husky, dirty phone sex voice but ask normal questions about the proposed offer. “Is it a low interest rate? mmmmm…I like low interest rates…really low…”


2. In an outrageously excited tone: “Thank god you called!!!” Explain that an online psychic told you that your future lover would randomly call disguised as an asshole.


3. Say you are hard of hearing and see how loud they will shout into the phone.



4. Allow the telemarketer to fully explain his offer. When he is finished explain that his company hired you to randomly spot check telemarketers on their performance. Tell him that he did a good job overall, but that he is a bit monotone and needs to fluctuate his tone of voice more to sound convincing. He also should pause longer between sentences, and more clearly pronounce the letter “s”. Tell him you won’t report him if he repeats his speech to you with the appropriate corrections. Repeat.


5. Be incredibly polite as they explain their offer, but make farting noises once in a while and ask whether there is something wrong with the connection.


6. In an annoyed tone cut the telemarketer off mid sentence : “Dan, stop screwing around…we have to get rid of this body fast, did you find a chainsaw or not?”


7. “Congratulations! You’re the 100th caller on the (insert local radio station) Sweet Vacation Giveaway Blast Marathon. You’ve just won a pair of tickets to Negril, Jamaica and the use of Sean Paul’s celebrity vacation house.” Take down her address and send her all of your L.L.Bean catalogues for the rest of your life...after you use them as liner for your cat’s litter box.


8. Flirt.


9. Keep repeating, “I knew you were going to say that…”


10. Stutter on a syllable of an obvious word in a sentence… see how long it takes before he completes the phrase. When he does, get upset, and say “That really hurts my fee…fee… fee… fee…feel…fee… fee… fee…” ad infinitum.
11. Pee on the phone while he’s talking.


12. Mid pitch, stop him and complement him on his wonderful voice. Explain that you are a voiceover scout and might have a breakthrough commercial job for him. Ask if he wouldn’t mind doing a quick test. Ask him to say in a deep husky voice “May cause dizziness, diarrhea, vomiting and shortness of breath. A small number of participants in a recent clinical trial experienced weight loss, irregular clotting, abnormally frequent and/or painful urination and hair loss. Results may vary”


13. Ask how much it would take to get him to stop working as a telemarketer. Start at $1000. Say you are dead serious.
14. Ask if he will be your friend if you sign up.


15. Tie obscure facts about Barbara Streisand to everything thing he says,, “2.3% interest rate? oh my…did you know Barbara was 23 when she filmed Funny Girl…”


16. Every few minutes repeat, “You’re going to have to bear with me, I have a slight short term memory loss problem…who is this again?”


17. “Oh my god, I used to have your job…does Bob still work there (repeat names until you find a match)…which building are you in?” Escalate coincidence until you both realize that you sat in the same chair. Explain that you had to quit work when your genitals mysteriously vanished.


18. Regardless of the offer tell him you’ll take 7. If he asks what you mean say he drives a hard bargain and you’ll take 9, but that’s as far as you’ll go.


19. Every half-minute ask him to hold and pretend to scream at your invalid mother. “You want to use the bathroom??? Well stop whining and get up out of the wheelchair for a change. You just sit there and think about that for a while, mother. Can’t you see I’m on the damn phone?”


20. Forgive him. Tell him you did. Over and over again, until he hangs up. Then secretly take it back.

How do you know he's the one?

A friend asked, "How do you know he’s the one?"

She asked because as we all know, there’s always a possibility that things can fall apart in the future no matter how wonderful things are right now.

Well, I think I found the answer in the following statement,

“If the thought of not being with the person you’re with makes your heart ache, you figure out a way to make it work. You amend your plans. You change your vision of how you thought your life would turn out and you make a go of it.”

Love is...

“Love is a temporary madness.
It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides.
And when it subsides you have to make a decision.
You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part.
Because this is what love is.
Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion.
That is just being “in love” which any of us can convince ourselves we are.
Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. ”
- unknown

What Goes Around Comes Around Perbuatan Baik Akan Berbuah Baik

The man slowly looked up.
This was a woman clearly accustomed to the finer things of life.
Her coat was new.

Dengan perlahan-lahan orang itu memandang ke atas.
Tampak olehnya seorang wanita yang pasti biasa hidup mewah.
Mantel bulunya tampak baru.

She looked like she had never missed a meal in her life.
His first thought was that she wanted to make fun of him,
like so many others had done before.

Wanita itu terlihat seperti seorang yang tidak pernah kelaparan seumur hidupnya.
Sekilas terpikir di benaknya bahwa tentu wanita itu akan mengolok-olok dia
seperti yang sering dilakukan banyak orang sebelumnya.

"Leave me alone," he growled...
To his amazement,the woman continued standing.
She was smiling – her even white teeth displayed in dazzling rows.

“Tinggalkan aku sendirian,” gumamnya dengan marah…
Tapi dia merasa heran karena wanita itu tetap berdiri disitu.
Wanita itu tersenyum – sebaris giginya yang putih rata tampak berkilauan.

"Are you hungry?" she asked.
"No," he answered sarcastically.
"I've just come from dining with the president.. Now go away."

”Apakah anda lapar?” wanita itu bertanya.
“Tidak,” jawabnya mengejek.
”Saya baru saja selesai makan malam dengan Presiden... Sekarang pergilah.”

The woman's smile became even broader.

Senyum wanita itu melebar.

Suddenly the man felt a gentle hand under his arm.
"What are you doing, lady?" the man asked angrily.
"I said to leave me alone..”

Tiba-tiba tangan yang lemah lembut mencoba mengangkatnya untuk berdiri.
“Nyonya, apa yang kau lakukan?” orang itu bertanya dengan marah.
”Aku sudah bilang, biarkan aku sendirian.”

Just then a policeman came up.
"Is there any problem, ma'am?" he asked..

Pada saat itu seorang polisi mendekati.
“Ada masalah apa, nyonya?” dia bertanya..

"No problem here, officer," the woman answered...
"I'm just trying to get this man to his feet.
Will you help me?"

Tidak ada masalah sama sekali, pak,” jawab wanita itu.
“Saya hanya berusaha mengangkat orang ini berdiri pada kakinya.
Bolehkah anda menolong saya?”

The officer scratched his head.
"That's old Jack.
He's been a fixture around here for a couple of years..
What do you want with him?"

Polisi itu menggaruk-garuk kepalanya..
“Itu adalah si Jack tua.
Dia sudah beberapa tahun menggelandang disini.
Apa yang hendak anda lakukan kepadanya?”

"See that cafeteria over there?" she asked.
"I'm going to get him something to eat and get him out of the cold for awhile."

“Anda lihat cafeteria itu disana?” dia bertanya.
”Saya mau memberikan makanan kepadanya
dan membawa dia menghindar dari hawa yang dingin ini untuk sementara.”

"Are you crazy, lady?" the homeless man resisted.
"I don't want to go in there!"
Then he felt strong hands grab his other arm and lift him up.

“Apakah anda sudah gila, nyonya?” gelandangan itu menolak tanpa bergeming.
“Aku tidak mau pergi kesana!”
Pada saat itu ia merasakan tangan-tangan yang kuat memegang lengannya yang sebelah lagi
dan mengangkat dia berdiri pada kakinya.

"Let me go, officer. I didn't do anything.."

”Biarkan aku pergi, pak polisi. Aku tidak berbuat salah apa pun..”

"This is a good deal for you, Jack," the officer answered.
"Don't blow it.

“Ini adalah kesempatan baik untukmu, Jack,” jawab polisi itu.
“Jangan sia-siakan itu, kawan.”

Finally, and with some difficulty, the woman and the police officer got Jack into the cafeteria and sat him at a table in a remote corner.
It was the middle of the morning, so most of the breakfast crowd had already left and the lunch bunch had not yet arrived.

Akhirnya dan dengan susah payah, wanita dan polisi itu berhasil membawa Jack kedalam cafetaria dan mendudukkan dia di meja yang berada di sudut ruangan.
Hari sudah mulai larut sehingga tidak banyak lagi kebanyakan orang yang makan pagi sudah pergi dan mereka langganan untuk makan siang masih belum tiba.

The manager strode across the cafeteria and stood by his table.
"What's going on here, officer?" he asked.
"What is all this, is this man in trouble?"

Manager cafeteria itu berjalan mendekati dan berdiri disamping meja itu.
”Ada apa ini, pak polisi?” dia bertanya..
“Apa artinya ini, apakah orang ini membuat masalah?”

"This lady brought this man in here to be fed,"the policeman answered.

Nyonya ini telah membawa orang ini ke sini untuk makan,” jawab polisi itu.

"Not in here!" the manager replied angrily.
"Having a person like that here is bad for business."

”Tidak ditempat ini!” jawab manager itu dengan marah.
”Membiarkan orang seperti ini berada disini buruk untuk bisnis kami.”

Old Jack smiled a toothless grin.
"See, lady. I told you so.
Now if you'll let me go.
I didn't want to come here in the first place."

Jack tua tersenyum menyeringai dengan giginya yang ompong.
“Kau lihat itu, nyonya. Saya 'kan sudah katakan.
Nah, sekarang biarkanlah aku pergi.
Saya memang dari semula tidak mau datang kemari."

The woman turned to the cafeteria manager and smiled.
"Sir, are you familiar with Eddy and Associates,
the banking firm down the street?"

Wanita itu berpaling kepada manager cafeteria itu sambil tersenyum.
“Pak, kenalkah anda kepada Eddy and Associates,
perusahaan perbankan yang ada disudut jalan itu?”

"Of course I am," the manager answered impatiently.
"They hold their weekly meetings in one of my banquet rooms.."

“Tentu saja aku kenal mereka," jawabnya tak sabar.
"Mereka mengadakan pertemuan mingguan mereka di salah satu ruangan pesta VIP-ku.."

"And do you make a goodly amount of money providing food at these weekly meetings?"

“Dan anda mendapat keuntungan yang lumayan menyediakan makanan untuk pertemuan mingguan ini?”

"What business is that of yours?"

"Apakah urusanmu dengan hal itu?”

“I, sir, am Penelope Eddy, president and CEO of the company."

”Saya, Pak, adalah Penelope Eddy, President dan CEO dari perusahaan itu.”

"Oh.."

”Oh..”

The woman smiled again..
"I thought that might make a difference."

Wanita itu tersenyum lagi..
”Saya memang berpikir bahwa itu mungkin bisa membuat perubahan dalam sikap anda.”

She glanced at the cop who was busy stifling a laugh.
"Would you like to join us in a cup of coffee and a meal, officer?"

Dia melirik kepada polisi yang sedang berusaha menahan tawanya.
“Pak polisi, apakah anda mau ikut serta dengan kami menikmati secangkir kopi dan sarapan?”

"No thanks, ma'am," the officer replied.
"I'm on duty."

“Oh, tidak, terima kasih, nyonya,” jawab polisi itu.
“Saya sedang bertugas.”

"Then, perhaps, a cup of coffee to go?"
"Yes, ma'am.. That would be very nice."

“Kalau begitu, mungkin secangkir kopi untuk anda bawa pergi?”
“Baiklah, nyonya.. Itu sangat baik, terima kasih.”

The cafeteria manager turned on his heel..
"I'll get your coffee for you right away, officer."

Manager cafeteria itu langsung berbalik dan berkata..
”Saya akan mengambil kopinya untuk anda, pak polisi.”

The officer watched him walk away...
"You certainly put him in his place," he said.

Polisi itu memandang manager itu berjalan pergi...
”Anda sudah menyadarkan dia akan posisinya dengan baik,” katanya.

"That was not my intent...
Believe it or not, I have a reason for all this."

"Itu bukanlah tujuan saya sebenarnya…
Percaya atau tidak, saya mempunyai alasan untuk melakukan semua ini.”

She sat down at the table across from her amazed dinner guest.
She stared at him intently.

Wanita itu duduk diseberang tamunya yang melongo keheranan.
Ia memandangi muka tamunya dengan penuh perhatian.

"Jack, do you remember me?"

”Jack, apakah anda masih ingat kepada saya?”

Old Jack searched her face with his old, rheumy eyes.
"I think so – I mean you do look familiar."

Si Jack tua memandang wajah wanita itu dengan matanya yang mulai lamur dan berkaca-kaca.
“Saya rasa begitu – maksud saya, wajah anda memang kelihatan saya kenal.”

"I'm a little older perhaps," she said.
"Maybe I've even filled out more than in my younger days when you worked here, and I came through that very door, cold and hungry."

“Mungkin aku sekarang kelihatan lebih tua,” dia berkata.
“Mungkin juga aku sudah tidak sekurus dahulu ketika engkau bekerja disini, dan aku berjalan masuk melalui pintu itu, kedinginan dan sangat lapar.”

"Ma'am?" the officer said questioningly.
He couldn't believe that such a magnificently turned out woman could ever have been hungry.

“Nyonya?” polisi itu bertanya keheranan.
Dia tidak percaya bahwa seorang wanita yang terlihat begitu cemerlang pernah kelaparan...

"I was just out of college," the woman began.
"I had come to the city looking for a job, but I couldn't find anything.
Finally I was down to my last few cents and had been kicked out of my apartment...
I walked the streets for days.
It was February and I was cold and nearly starving.
I saw this place and walked in on the off chance that I could get something to eat.."

“Saya baru saja tamat dari Perguruan Tinggi,” wanita itu memulai kisahnya.
“Saya datang ke kota ini untuk mencari pekerjaan, tapi tidak berhasil mendapatkan pekerjaan apa pun.
Akhirnya uangku tersisa hingga beberapa sen saja, dan saya telah diusir dari apartmentku... Saya hidup dijalanan untuk beberapa hari.
Saat itu bulan Februari dan saya sangat kedinginan dan hampir mati kelaparan.
Saya melihat tempat ini dan berjalan masuk dengan harapan bisa memperoleh sesuatu yang dapat kumakan..”

Jack lit up with a smile.
"Now I remember," he said.
"I was behind the serving counter.
You came up and asked me if you could work for something to eat.
I said that it was against company policy."

Jack mulai tersenyum.
“Sekarang saya ingat,” katanya.
“Saya waktu itu berdiri dibalik meja itu melayani langganan.
Anda mendekati saya dan bertanya kalau anda bisa melakukan apa saja dengan upah sesuatu untuk dimakan.
Saya berkata bahwa itu melanggar peraturan dari perusahaan ini.

"I know," the woman continued.
"Then you made me the biggest roast beef sandwich that I had ever seen, gave me a cup of coffee, and told me to go over to a corner table and enjoy it.
I was afraid that you would get into trouble.
Then, when I looked over and saw you put the price of my food in the cash register, I knew then that everything would be all right..."

“Saya tahu,” wanita itu melanjutkan.
“Kemudian anda membuatkan saya sandwich roast beef yang paling besar yang pernah saya lihat seumur hidup, dan memberikan saya secangkir kopi, dan menyuruh saya untuk pergi duduk di sudut cafeteria ini dan menikmatinya.
Saya takut waktu itu anda akan mengalami masalah karena saya.
Kemudian saya melihat anda memasukkan uang dan mencetak harga makanan saya itu di mesin hitung, dan saya tahu bahwa semuanya akan baik-baik saja.

"So you started your own business?" Old Jack said.

"Jadi anda mendirikan perusahaan anda sendiri?” kata si Jack tua..

"I got a job that very afternoon.
I worked my way up."

"Saya mendapat pekerjaan pada sore hari itu juga.
Saya mulai bekerja dari bawah dan makin meningkat."

"Eventually I started my own business that, with the help of God, prospered.."
She opened her purse and pulled out a business card.

"Akhirnya saya mendirikan perusahaan saya sendiri, dan dengan pertolongan Tuhan, saya berhasil..”
Dia membuka tasnya dan mengeluarkan sebuah kartu nama.

"When you are finished here, I want you to pay a visit to a Mr.Lyons.
He's the personnel director of my company.
I'll go talk to him now and I'm certain he'll find something for you to do around the office."

“Sehabis anda makan, saya mau anda pergi menemui Mr.Lyons.
Dia adalah direktur personil dari perusahaan saya.
Saya akan berbicara dengan dia sekarang, dan saya yakin dia akan menemukan suatu pekerjaan yang anda dapat lakukan di kantor.”

She smiled.
"I think he might even find the funds to give you a little advance so that you can buy some clothes and get a place to live until you get on your feet.
If you ever need anything, my door is always open to you."

Dia tersenyum.
“Saya pikir dia juga akan dapat memberikan kepada anda sedikit uang pinjaman supaya anda bisa membeli pakaian dan mendapat tempat tinggal sampai anda bisa mandiri.
Kalau anda memerlukan apa saja dikemudian hari, pintu saya selalu terbuka bagi anda."

There were tears in the old man's eyes.
"How can I ever thank you?" he asked.

Orang tua itu berlinangan air mata.
”Bagaimana saya dapat berterima kasih kepada anda?” dia bertanya.

"Don't thank me," the woman answered.
"To God goes the glory.
He led me to you."

“Jangan berterima kasih kepadaku,” jawab wanita itu.
“Bagi Allah segala kemuliaan.
Dialah yang telah menuntun saya kepada anda.”

Outside the cafeteria, the officer and the woman paused at the entrance before going their separate ways.."Thank you for your help officer," she said.

Diluar cafeteria itu, polisi dan wanita itu berhenti sejenak di depan pintu sebelum mereka berpisah…
"Terima kasih untuk pertolongan anda, pak polisi” dia berkata.

"On the contrary, Ms. Eddy," he answered.
"Thank you.
I saw a miracle today, something that I will never forget.
And thank you for the coffee."

“Sebaliknya, Ny. Eddy,” dia menjawab.
“Terima kasih.
Saya menyaksikan sebuah mujizat hari ini, sesuatu yang tidak akan pernah saya lupakan seumur hidup.
Dan terima kasih untuk kopinya."

Have a Wonderful Day.
May God bless you always and don't forget that when you "cast your bread upon the waters," you never know how it will be returned to you.
God is so big He can cover the whole world with His love and so small He can curl up inside your heart.

Semoga anda menghadapi hari yang gemilang.
Kiranya Tuhan memberkati anda selalu dan jangan pernah lupa bahwa kalau anda “menaburkan roti anda diatas air,” anda tidak akan pernah tahu bagaimana itu akan dikembalikan kepada anda.
Tuhan itu begitu besar sehingga Dia dapat menutupi seluruh bumi ini dengan kasihNya, dan sebaliknya Dia begitu kecil sehingga bisa masuk dan bersemayam didalam hatimu.

When God leads you to the edge of the cliff, trust Him fully and let go.
Only 1 of 2 things will happen; either He'll catch you when you fall, or He'll teach you how to fly!

Apabila Tuhan Allah membimbing anda kesebuah tebing jurang, bergantunglah sepenuhnya kepadaNya dan berserah.
Hanya ada dua hal yang dapat terjadi; bahwa Dia akan menangkap anda ketika anda jatuh, atau Dia akan mengajarkan kepada anda bagaimana untuk terbang!